As Celebrity Big Brother launches another round of catfight, bitch-fest glory, we take a look at which wiley woman will reign as the queen of reality TV.
Geordie Shore’s Charlotte Crosby has long been the favourite of pop princess Cheryl Cole, but can the Tyneside lass take on all-American (part plastic) TV darling Courtney Stodden?
Find out as we pit the lary ladies against each other and predict who will stun viewers with their sex appeal, whose shock-record will have us glued to our screens, and who will win the ultimate fame game.
At the age of 15, Courtney Stodden was crowned ‘Miss Ocean Shore Wa. Teen USA’ by Donald Trump’s Miss USA Organisation, and the buxom blonde is certainly a pretty woman beneath her thick layers of dolly slap.
But with a boob job that has left her ‘too enhanced’ for even Playboy to handle, it’s fair to say that Stodden may have taken “plastic fantastic” to an unnecessary extreme. Nevertheless, the model’s new curves make her feel ‘more like a woman’ and ‘more sexy’ than ever, and with a kinky “home-video” knocking about somewhere in the ether, this Barbie doll babe may have more sass than she is letting on.
Hardly a classy girl, Charlotte Crosby’s pulling advice doesn’t stretch much further than “don’t wear a bra’ and ‘get them nipples out’. She keeps a petite size 8 figure through an alcohol-fuelled intake of kebabs and a tinned-food diet (“three tins a day, any tins you want, beans, hot dogs, spaghetti, soup…”).
This might not bode for the healthiest looking bod, but then it’s not all about looks when it comes to animal magnetism. Charlotte’s on-off affair with cast mate Gaz has given Geordie Shore audiences an intimate insight to her love-making potential and the horny barmaid is regularly spotted getting her hump on. ‘You totally forget that the cameras are there’ the reality star explains – surely the titillating prospect of on-air sauce earns the naughty Northerner a few extra sex points.
Though Stodden’s 2011 teenage marriage to a man 35 years her senior was pretty darn shocking, no amount of daddy issues and flesh-flashing on Couples Therapy can match Crosby’s wild and wacky antics on Geordie Shore.
|Geordie Shore’s Charlotte Crosby is likely to be a lively |
housemate (Picture: PA)
You might not invite her to your dinner party, but any lass so violent she’s been censored by MTV has got to get full marks for shock-factor.
Surprisingly, Courtney has the skills to stay on the celeb scene with indefinite longevity. She has composed and recorded several home-grown singles, and her track ‘Don’t put it on me Girl’ has over 6 and a half million views on You Tube.
On top of this, her husband is Green Mile actor Doug Hutchison – who knows what Hollywood doors this could open? Besides, if all else fails, Stodden could simply use her vegetarianism and PETA activism pull a Pammy and cling on to the limelight for a while longer yet.
Charlotte’s fame-rating is far more flash in the pan. The two time college dropout, has little talent beyond chopping lemons, and her dramatic outbursts are just as likely to see her in a strait jacket as on the box.
Perhaps there is a future for her as a Tequila Girl with her party-pals, DCR (the Dance Crew Rejects), but as her proudest achievement to date is being able to balance super noodles on her nipples, we’re not holding our breaths for a lifetime achievement award.
While we can’t guarantee she’ll be the last in the house, Charlotte Crosby’s bonkers behaviour is what will keep us tuned in for this seasons Celebrity Big Brother.